This Is How The Caterpillar Must Feel As It Dissolves Turning Into Goo

An invitation to go even deeper into the realm of Unconditional Trust and Surrender.

Hello once again, you beautiful being of Love and Light 💜✨

This is such a beautiful journey we get to be on, and I am very grateful that I am blessed enough to be walking this wonderful path to eternal growth, expansion, and unfolding.

From time to time, I have compared this journey to a roller coaster ride, and it truly is, with its ups and downs, swerves, loops, drops, turns, and twists.

And just like with a roller coaster, especially one that we get on for the very first time, there is always that beautiful element of surprise, where we never quite know what will happen next. All we can do is hang on and enjoy the ride to the best of our ability, trusting that whatever twist or turn we are tossed into at any given moment, it is all part of the totality of the ride. And that we will arrive safe and secure at the end of the ride.

In other words, we get to trust that All is Well, even when our senses may be telling us otherwise.

And this is how it is with this Path of freedom and awakening. We never know when something will arise in our consciousness. We never know when we will be moved into a challenging space. Nor when we will emerge from those challenging spaces.

In other words, this path is beautifully paved with an eternal element of surprise.

Since a few days back I am finding myself in a particularly messy space. I know I have been saying this for like the last year and a half or so, that I have never ever before in my life, been in such a transformational space as I am in now.

And it just continues, it just keeps on expanding. So many old, obsolete, and outdated structures are crumbling and dissolving - both within me and before my eyes. So many small and limited perceptions and beliefs are coming to the surface that I may release and let them go.

There have been times when I have truly enjoyed the messiness, and there have been times when I didn’t enjoy moving through it just as much.

My current experience is a very turbulent one with a deep sense of discomfort and unpleasantness, where it seems every fiber of my being, every bone and structure in my body, is squirming and wriggling, trying to get away from that which is happening, and my mind is racing to come up with how to fix this, to make it all smooth and nice again.

In my heart and soul, I know that All is Well, and that Something Wonderful is happening, but my surface mind does not like or enjoy this experience at all. And I am constantly finding myself tossed between judgments and opinions, by a sense of heaviness and a sense of hopelessness - like this is not ever going to change, and a sense of gratitude for the tremendous healing that is happening right now.

I can only imagine that this is how the caterpillar must feel as it begins to dissolve and disintegrate, how it begins to turn into a complete mess of goo to allow for the butterfly to emerge.

The caterpillar as it closes itself off in that cocoon, and after a period of time, new cells begin to appear within - the cells of the butterfly. Because the butterfly is not an upgraded or up-leveled version of the caterpillar, the butterfly is actually a completely new being.

And so when these new cells begin to emerge within the caterpillar, the caterpillar’s immune system actually takes them as foreign and hostile and begins to kill these new cells off.

And so there is a period of fighting and battling, where the old is literally fighting for its survival within the caterpillar, doing everything in its power to defend its previous state. But as the war wages on, the new cells begin to proliferate at such a rate that they completely overrun the caterpillar’s defensive system, and the caterpillar begins to dissolve. It turns into goo, and out of that goo, the butterfly emerges.

And that is how I feel right now.

I feel as though who I used to be, is literally dissolving before my eyes to give birth to a new iteration of me.

As there are others involved in this, I will not disclose all details, but much of this has to do with the beautiful financial healing/transformation that is happening in my life, where I, in perfect alignment with my intention to live a simple, peaceful, and quiet life, unbound by time and place, am being moved into a financial structure that is based on passive and residual income.

So, what this means is that I am moving myself out of the space of trading time for money, so to allow for a greater sense of freedom and independence to emerge into my life.

Moving here to Spain was a beautiful step toward that as I had to release and let go of some old structures that had been around for many years but that I seemed unable to transcend while back in Sweden.

And once here, because I needed to be there for our kids to such an extent, I haven’t really been working since we got here. As I shared in my last post, I have been more like a full-time stay-at-home dad than anything else.

And even though going from full-time work to full-time father and home caretaker was a roller coaster ride in and of itself, and even though I have begun to infuse my life with a space of creativity, even though I have once again begun to move myself into a space of building, much of my time is still devoted and needed to tend to the kids and their needs.

However, as we are making some changes in a few months, our finances need to be upleveled. In short, the passive income that I enjoy today is not enough as we make these changes and begin a new chapter of our lives.

So expansion needs to happen, which is beautiful, and I love that invitation to grow and move farther along toward my intention to live that simple, peaceful, and quiet life, as well as my other high-priority intention to be a greater teacher and healer than I have ever imagined.

So far, so good, right? God is beautifully moving, pushing, shoving me into the next version of who and what I am.

Now, I believe I have shared before that one of the most rigid and persistent mental beliefs and structures I have is the notion that “If I don’t do it, is it not going to get done”.

I mean, I have lived my entire life with the belief that it is up to me to make everything happen. I am a doer. As I’ve shared before, I am a builder, and things don’t just build themselves, right?

But here I am, now finding myself being pushed into expansion, that even has a time frame, an expiration date to it. There is actually a date on the calendar when our income needs to be at a certain level.

And yet, there is not much I can DO to make that happen, as this is not in the realm of doing. And even if it was in the realm of doing, I would only have like two-three hours each day of more or less uninterrupted space for me to be creative. To build.

I could certainly carve out an extra hour here and there, and sometimes I do, but still. Even as I m writing these words, I can hear the ego screaming; “There is not just enough time”.

And so, it is relatively easy for me to see and realize that this expansion will not happen in the realm of doing. Even though every fiber of my being, every cell and my entire nervous system is screaming that “I have to do something” - I realize that there is nothing really that I can do.

Which, in and of itself, obviously tends to add to the unpleasantness of this experience. I mean, in the past, I have always been able to rely on my resourcefulness and my ability to take big action, to roll up my sleeves and get the job done whenever needed.

But this time, there is no big action I can take. I can not roll up my sleeves and get the job done because there is no job to get done (in the physical dimension, at least).

So here I am with years and years of habitual ways of being and moving through life, ways that clearly do not apply here but that are doing a very good job of making themselves heard.

They are loud. They are boisterous, they are screaming, kicking, and shouting. They are impossible to ignore, as they have invaded close to every cell in my body. And so even when I am not hearing them, I am still feeling the sense of stress, the sense of urgency.

But as Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith sometimes says, “We can’t use an old map for new territory”. In other words, I cannot rely on who I used to be and how I used to move through life to move me through this expansion.

The caterpillar doesn’t just grow wings and begin to fly as a butterfly, but the caterpillar ceases to exist so that the butterfly may emerge.

And so these last few days, and I honestly don’t know what initiated this space a few days ago, or at least I don’t remember. But these last few days have been incredibly challenging. My nervous system is in uproar.

I literally feel squeezed, I feel smaller, I feel heavy. I have been experiencing apathy and something akin to indifference.

It is even affecting my sleep, and that has never happened before. I have always slept like a child. I put my head on the pillow at night, and within seconds, I am fast asleep unless I need to get up to the bathroom, which rarely happens (maybe a tad too personal, so forgive me if that made you feel uncomfortable 😉), I sleep all through the night.

And I rarely had any disturbing dreams. But now I wake up most nights, not always remembering what I had dreamt, but still aware of having dreamt something unpleasant and disturbing. Not nightmares per se, but still disturbing dreams.

I am irritable, I get easily annoyed, and I don’t want to be around people, I don’t even want to have anything to do with anyone. Sometimes, even my own family.

Even responding to emails, questions, and messages requires an effort, and sometimes even too much of an effort, which means that the number of answered emails and messages grows longer and longer - obviously only adding to the stress.

I, so desire that I could somehow withdraw from the world for a period of time. That I could press pause and go into hiding or hibernation for a while.

From this perspective, I am very happy that I have scaled back on my 1-1 sessions. At least I don’t have to show up for someone who is paying me to show up in a particular way on a regular basis.

But I sort of get why the caterpillar closes itself off from the world, why it weaves that cocoon. My whole system is shouting, “Leave me alone. Let me deal with this by myself”.

But I am in the world, and I need to stay in the world. So, I am in the process of finding a balance between being here for those who depend on me and being here for myself so that I can do the job that I am being invited to do.

And this job, it is all done in consciousness. Consciousness always precedes form, and so that is where I need to do the work. First and foremost, treating my mind to release and let go of the notion that it is up to me to make this happen.

If there is anything nature teaches us, it is that nature doesn’t make anything happen, and yet most things in nature grow, unfold, and evolve in such a beautiful way.

The seed doesn’t make the tree or the flower grow. Nothing in nature is making the seasons come and go. No one is making the sun rise and set.

The chicken doesn’t make the egg unfold into the chicken, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on.

And this is what I need to remind myself of over and over and over again. All is Well, Something Wonderful Is Happening, Perfect Unfolding is Happening - Now.

And I don’t have to make any of this happen - whatever my previous tendencies and beliefs may have been. What is mine to do is to simply allow that which already is happening, to happen.

In the Infinite Mind this is already done, and through the design and orchestration of the One, it is all happening perfectly - as long as I stay out of the way.

This actually reminds me of an experiment that was done by the Spindrift Institute.

They perform all these spiritual and metaphysical scientific experiments, you know, double and triple blind kind of experiments.

In this particular experiment, they had three “batches” of plants, all planted and raised in the exact same environment.

In the first batch, they had people come in and water and tend to the plants to make sure that they had the best possible physical environment. These plants grew beautifully and as expected.

In the second batch, they had the people tending to the plants held a high vision for these plants. They were to see and feel how the plants grew strong and vibrant. And these plants grew something like twice as large and strong and twice as fast as the first batch of plants.

The people that tended to the third batch were instructed not to see or vision anything at all. All they were told to do (except for watering and those kinds of things) were to repeat to themselves, “Thy will be done”.

And these plants, without being tended to differently, without anyone holding a big and mighty vision for them, grew even faster, stronger, and more vibrant than the second batch.

There is enormous power in cultivating a deep sense of Trust and Surrender and of giving the hows, the manifestation, over to this Benevolent Loving Presence that is all there is.

It knows exactly what needs to happen, when it needs to happen, and how it needs to happen for the highest possibility to come forth.

It knows. We don’t.

It knows - I don’t.

And so these last few days, I have been leaning heavily into the question: “If I knew that All is Well, what would I do, how would I move forward”?

Which has beautifully led me to Jesus’s words where he said “Rejoice, for I have overcome the world”.

We always want to be loving and kind toward ourselves. Always, and even more so when life gets intense. Pushing ourselves often arises out of a sense of fear, a sense of lack and separation from the good we wish to experience, whichever only serves to check, delay and obstruct the manifestation of that very good.

And so a golden rule is to never move out of fear, but rather in spite of fear. We want inspiration and joy to lead, not fear and a sense of “should”.

And so these last few days, I have done absolutely nothing in terms of work, in terms of building. But all I have done is to, during those two to three hours that are more or less my own to preside over, watch Two and a Half Men (which is my go-to series when I need a serious pick-me-up or a good laugh).

I have watched that series more times than I can count and I still love it. It truly makes me laugh, which is a powerful antidote to lower-vibration thought forms.

So I have put that on, I have treated myself to ice cream, and I have taken long walks out in the sun along the beach.

My mind is screaming that this is crazy. That I am insane and completely irresponsible. That I am not fully grasping the gravity of the situation. I need to fix this, and I need to fix it now.

Nothing new. I have heard all this before, and hey, I am still here, right? 😉

But for the new to emerge, the old needs to be released and let go of. And so the invitation here is for me to go deeper into trusting that this is happening now.

I don’t have to make it happen, it is happening. I don’t have to micromanage or figure out how it is to happen, but simply trust that it is happening and to the best of my ability, Relax, Rejoice and let it happen.

Like I once heard someone say “Happiness is my job”, or as Jesus said “Rejoice, for I have overcome the world”.

As illogical as it seems, staying in the higher vibrations of joy, peace, harmony, and possibility - is our primary job when it comes to manifestation. Because it is when we are hanging out up there that we allow that which is already happening to happen with ease and grace.

Logic and reason, the Ego, would have us believe that we need to take big action, but any action taken out of fear or a sense of separation only affirms the separation. Thus any action taken from those lower vibrations actually delays and obstructs the manifestation.

Whereas action taken from a space of joy, gratitude, inspiration, and peace really facilitates and allows the demonstration to happen quicker and with a whole lot more ease and grace.

I am not saying that this is easy. I would be the first in line to say that this extremely difficult and hard.

The ego truly is a trickster. It truly is throwing everything it has got against me right now. I am being bombarded with all those reasons as to why I need to get myself up and do something.

But it seems the time has now come for me to, perhaps, or perhaps not, once and for all release and let go of the notion that I need to make it happen.

This is a beautiful invitation to go ever deeper into trust and surrender - into Thy Will Be Done. Not my will, but Thy will.

So I do what I can to Relax, Rejoice, and simply let God have its way with me. One moment at a time. One minute at a time. One Day at a time.

All is Well here. Something Wonderful is Happening now. Everything is Working for My (Our) Highest good. Perfect Preparation and Unfolding is Happening - Now, Always and Forever.

It is done and it is happening now. I let it, I allow it, I surrender to it.

So it is, and so shall it be.

Amen.

As always, thank you so much for joining me. I am grateful that we get to walk this path together, side by side. If this post resonated with you, I would love to hear from you, so feel free to leave a comment or start a chat.

Until we meet again, I invite us all to hold the world and all beings in a space of boundless peace and unconditional love.

As always, I bless, bless, bless your day, and I bless, bless, bless your way, in the absolute knowing that All Is Well ✨ Something Wonderful Is Always Happening ✨ Everything Is Working For Our Highest Good ✨ Perfect Preparation And Unfolding Is Always Happening ✨

Namaste 🙏🏾 💜

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