What Is My WHAT And What Is My WHY?

A moment of exploring my motivation so that I can step more fully into allowing passion and the heart to lead

Infinite blessings to you, you beautiful being of Love and Light 💜✨

I trust, as always, that this post finds you in Divine peace, love, joy, and harmony - wherever you are and whenever you are.

I may not have shared about it all that much here in this blog but when me and my family moved from Sweden to Spain last summer, I just knew that moving offered me the possibility to reinvent myself and life.

I had been leading a life of busyness, accomplishing, and achieving. I had been working way too much for way too long. And so moving here literally put an end to that life and gave me a clean break from many of the structures that had upheld and sustained that life.

More than six months have passed since we arrived here in Spain, and as I am now stepping back into that creative midwifing space of building and allowing something new to come to fruition, I can hear the ego saying things, “Why didn’t I realize this sooner? I have wasted six months of valuable time to build and create. I would have been much further along, had I not squandered my time like this”.

I will obviously never know the full answer to these questions as there are dimensions and aspects beyond my ability to perceive and understand, but I am sensing that for me to truly be in a space where I am ready to be the change, to really being ready to begin moving my life in a new direction, that time off was absolutely necessary.

I remember recording a few talks back when we first got here to Spain where I shared that even though my geographical location was different, I was still bringing me. In other words, those mental and emotional structures that were sustaining that old way of life, that were in alignment with the life I had led up until that point, they didn’t just disappear because I left Sweden.

And so, had I gone right back into that creative space upon my arrival here, chances are that I had just picked up right where I left off, allowing time and a sense of urgency and separation to be the order of my day again.

And now, that I am ready (more or less) to begin serving again, I am finding myself at a loss as to how to move forward.

The logical starting point would be to pick up right where I left off, creating audio content, online courses and so on. I mean, I know how to do that, and it certainly seems as if that is one of the gifts I am here to share, one of the ways I am here to serve.

But the thing is that, not only do I not feel inspired or pulled toward that now. Like earlier today, I had planned to record a response to a student question from one of my courses, but as I am currently feeling vulnerable, sort of fragile and tender - and I want to honor that and not force myself into the capacity from which I want the answer to come - there will be no such recording.

I even feel repelled and almost disgusted by the very idea of putting myself in front of the microphone and saying anything at all.

I just want to be left alone. I just want to be by myself.

And where I used to catch new topics to speak about and record pretty much every day - now I am not catching any of these at all. And I haven’t for quite some time.

I don’t miss it, nor am I looking forward to getting back into that space. It’s too loud, too noisy??? whatever that means.

And yet I can hear the ego saying that I “should” do it, that I have to do it. But I am not feeling pulled toward it. I don’t feel the inspiration or the joy that I used to feel around creating audio and video content. The mere idea of setting up the recording equipment - almost makes me feel nauseous. And just thinking about it sort of drains me, depletes me. The sense of adventure is completely gone.

And honestly, since I began moving myself back into the creative space I have once again been feeling the stress of having to produce and create, as well as market and promote. Yes, I am building something new, and it takes work, and it takes time, and action, but I can hear the ego projecting the same sense of limitation and separation that used to be so such an integral part of who I used to be back in Sweden. “What I have done and accomplished is not enough, but I need to do more.”

Only there was always that something more, lurking around the corner. No matter how much content I midwifed, it was never enough. There was always that next track I needed to record, the next course I needed to create.

It was an endless stream of doingness. Yes there was inspiration, yes there was joy and playfulness, but there was always that sense that it was not enough.

I don’t want to participate in that game anymore. I can’t participate in that anymore. I need to find a new way, a more relaxed way, a simpler way.

I recently heard some TikTok content creators share the enormous stress they experience, feeling they have to create that next viral video - just to maintain a liveable income through that particular platform.

I used to absolutely subscribe to this notion that this is how it is, but I am not ready to re-subscribe to it now that I have been blessed with being away from it for a few months.

And so, as I was at the store earlier today, I found myself experiencing a deep sadness that this is what the world is like for so many of us. That this is such a common experience.

A sadness that so many of us are trapped in this wild goose chase. We all want freedom and independence (whatever that looks to us). And for many of us, that freedom and independence are derived from the having of money.

Our society is built around money. We need money to be able to live a good and beautiful life - once again, coming back to what Bob Proctor used to always say:

“Money is good for only two things;

1) to make our lives more comfortable

2) and to help us serve more people”.

So money, or actually finding ways to make money, is at the front and center for so many of us. And with attention (read followers, subscribers, clients, etc) being the most valuable currency on the planet at this time, there is the constant chase and competing for the attention of the masses.

But what does that do to our passion and inspiration? Is it possible to let passion, inspiration, and joy lead and still live a simple, peaceful, and quiet life unbound by time and place?

I know that the answer is yes, and I know this because we are all (I am) living and moving in a field of infinite possibilities, where every single possibility already exists in the infinite mind of God.

So, the possibility where I am living this simple, peaceful, and quiet life, unbound by time and place, that possibility already exists. It is already done in the infinite mind. It’s not the only possibility for me and my life, but it is one of infinite possibilities.

And “all” I need to do is to choose it, to choose from it. To make choices that are in alignment with that possibility. Choices that arise out of the sense that it is possible for me to live that life.

But to be honest, currently, the knowing that this possibility already exists, is more on an intellectual level than a deep inner knowing. And so obviously, I need to do some inner work to move myself into alignment with it. So that I may begin to actually feel that it is possible.

This turned out to be a different contemplation than I had expected it to be (which I trust is Spirit expressing itself perfectly), but as I want to honor the original topic, I want to segway back to the intended theme of this post, which was for me to clarify my what(s) and my why(s).

We need to know our What, call it a vision, an intention, a dream, or something else. And we are wise to know our Why - so to purify our motivation. So that we are moving more from heart and soul than from egoic fears and superficial needs.

Personally, I have four Supreme Intentions, as I call them - overarching intentions that guide my steps through life. But there are two of them that I feel are more relevant for this particular post, and for where I currently am in life.

The first one is for me to be a Greater Teacher and Healer than I have ever imagined. Another way of saying it is that I am here to serve and support individuals in waking up and transforming their lives. This is my dharma, my soul's calling for this particular incarnation. And it is also is my Why.

It’s like I cannot not serve and still have a level of lasting joy, harmony, and peace in life. I could stop serving and start doing something else, but I would soon find myself in a very dark space, just like I did at the end of last year, as I have shared in previous posts in this blog.

My other What is to live a simple, peaceful, and quiet life, unbound by time and place. To be honest, I have no clear vision around what that looks like (which is what I love about intentions as opposed to visions), but I do have a clear feeling tone of being relaxed, of enjoying every moment of life, with plenty of time for rest and alone time.

And being an HSP, I need a lot of that.

My Why where this second intention is concerned is as simple as: I need to live this simple and quiet life to be able to serve in the highest possible way.

The busier and more noisy my life gets, the less open I am to let God flow through me and the more time and space I need to find my way back to stillness before I can even begin to serve.

So this simple, peaceful, and quiet life is a prerequisite for me to be able to serve at all.

And as I was walking through the store earlier today I was overwhelmed by an urge to revisit these intentions.

As I am now getting moving again, and as I am free to make new choices in any given moment, free to change the trajectory of my life at any time - this is the perfect time for me to stop and ask myself how I want to live my life.

Moving forward, what is it that I wish for my life to be about? And perhaps even more importantly, how do I need to start living my life, arrange my life to be able to continue to serve in ever greater and grander ways? Now that so many old structures have crumbled and dissolved, how do I want to move forward from here?

And also, how can I align these two intentions? I mean, I see all these other teachers that have all these engagements and commitments, speaking over here, doing workshops or events over there, being on panels and other public capacities in yet another place and so on.

I don’t want any of that. I don’t want it, and I can’t live that kind of busy life. Just feeling into what it would be like to constantly be traveling and showing up, leaves me feeling depleted and exhausted .

This is obviously a matter of where I am in myself, whether I am grounded or centered or out of balance - but as I shared earlier in this post - today, I can’t even bring myself to record a simple audio response.

And while I want to serve in the highest possible way, I do not want to be one of those prominent people who has a family that never sees them. I love my family, and I love hanging out with them. I love spending time with them, and even though I have a deep need to have alone- and me-time on a regular basis, I want to spend as much time with them as possible.

I want to be there when the kids get home from school, I want to be there for our weekend traditions. I want to be there for everything.

And so having a busy schedule doesn’t work for me as a person, and it doesn’t work for what I want for my family.

I love that I am in a space where I can ask these questions and where I can actually relatively easily arrange my life in alignment with the answers - once I catch them.

And so, as I was in the store sort of contemplating this, I just realized that writing may be the way for me to move forward.

I absolutely love writing. Even though I haven’t done much writing in many years, it truly is a deep passion of mine.

Moreover, writing is something I can do whenever and wherever - whereas with recording content there are certain conditions and criteria that need to be met. For example, I need to be in the mental and emotional space for it. There needs to be enough silence to meet audio-quality standards, and so on.

And so, while recording content is more in alignment with unbound by time and place, especially time - than, for instance, teaching classes or meeting with clients - it is not a perfect match to the sense of freedom that is so, so important to me. And that is actually growing in importance as time goes on.

But with writing it is different. I can virtually write anywhere. When I put my headphones on, I can sit in a public place like a cafe, on a train, in a square, or in a park.

Most of these posts have actually been written in a park with me barefooted, leaning against a tree overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.

And I love writing. I always have loved it.

Writing is how I got started on this path of being a teacher in the first place, writing articles and blog posts.

I don’t know how many books I have started to write. There are many! Though I never finished any of them as I over and over and over again found myself having had a new insight and realization that required me to go back to the beginning of the book and do it over.

But I love writing, and I actually just now realized that God saw it fit to introduce me to Substack just a few weeks ago - which certainly is pointing me in a very particular direction, i.e. writing.

So maybe through writing is how I move forward? Nothing I need to decide right now, only stay open and tuned in to that still small voice. The path forward will reveal itself when the time is right.

But even as I am writing these words, I can hear the surface mind saying, “Oh, I am not sure about this. There is a financial aspect that needs to be taken into consideration. Is this really the time to start moving in a new direction, to start something new?”

All I know is that inspiration is God’s way of moving us forward. And we are always wise to follow our passion, doing what we love to do - not what we think we should do but what we love to do.

In other words, I would not have been reintroduced to writing had it not been for me. And even more so, I wouldn’t have felt so strongly about it if it wasn’t for me - now.

I am going to sit with this to see what emerges.

So all of the above (except for some editing), I wrote about three days ago. And while that could have been the end of this particular post, I just want to share how beautifully Spirit moves and leads us forward.

So after I had finished writing, I went ahead to just be with the feeling tone of being with this realization. Later that same day, someone (whom I even knew existed) reached out to me, asking if I could help them create content for their yoga studio’s blog, and they would even pay me for it. No one has ever asked me that before.

I wrote the post, they were super happy with it, and we are now in the process of mapping out how to move into a partnership where I will help them write content for their blog and social media.

That gave me what I needed to begin to move in this direction, and so I am now in the process of setting up and rearranging my business as a freelance writer.

And this is how Spirit works, always seeking to guide, lead, and move us forward. Always, but the thing is, we need to listen, and we need to obey.

Unless we become still enough to really pay attention to that still small voice, to inspiration, and then say Yes to it - even though it may not always feel reasonable or logical, this guidance will pass us by.

And me being moved in this new direction is in complete alignment with my intention to live a simple, peaceful, and quiet life - unbound by time and place.

I can do it anytime and from anywhere - so it is absolutely a part of the next iteration of who and what I am.

How being a writer plays into my intention to be a greater teacher and healer has yet to reveal itself, as I kind of have the sense that I am rather being moved away from that, at least initially.

But knowing Spirit I trust that the space I am about to move into is in perfect alignment and preparation for me to serve at a higher level, so I am actually and honestly not giving that question that much power.

Anyhow, this is just to share how Spirit moves and how perfect unfolding is always happening. We may not always see the path forward, but when we go with inspiration, passion and joy, when we are clear on what it is that we wish to experience, on our intentions, visions, or dreams, and when we listen, become still and truly listen - God will always guide and lead us forward.

Not always how we expected, not always when we expected. But it will always move us in the direction of our dreams. If only we say Yes to them.

Trust is at the core, though. I keep coming back to this. Whenever I get caught up by stories about what should be, how it should be, and when it should be - the invitation is always there to take a step back and come back to trusting that All is Well, even when I can’t see it, or even feel it.

Take a step back and listen. Revisit my intentions and listen for the still, small voice to move me forward.

Trust is a topic I know we will come back to over and over and over again. But I think this will have to do for now. This post is already super long, and we will have plenty more chances to go deeper into exploring this beautiful life and these beautiful principles.

As for this post's audio message, I thought it fitting to include a talk on how we are all free as a bird to follow our passion and inspiration. Enjoy 💜 ✨

As always, thank you so much for joining me. I am grateful that we get to walk this path together, side by side.

If this post resonated with you, I would love to hear from you, so feel free to leave a comment or start a chat.

Until we meet again, I bless, bless, bless your day, and I bless, bless, bless your way, in the absolute knowing that All Is Well ✨ Something Wonderful Is Always Happening ✨ Everything Is Working For Our Highest Good ✨ Perfect Preparation And Unfolding Is Always Happening ✨

Namaste 🙏🏾 💜

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